Days Of Our Lives Thoughts On The Week Of October 17-21.

Matt’s Musings.

The life lessons continued in the town of Salem this week. Rafe learned that corruption only works when you’re a Brady and that Sami is far more tolerable after you’ve had a few beers. Austin discovered that if you tell a woman you are extremely excited, then drop your towel and it falls straight to the floor without hitting any interference, she’ll immediately leave the country. John discovered that Marlena’s shoulder pads have magically transformed her shoulders into her body’s largest erogenous zone. And Will learned that the best way to deny something is to speak like you’re a robot.

The battle over Jenn continued. She and Dr. Orange discussed how Jack had broken her heart, leaving him to shove it back into her after it had literally been torn out. No one had ever mollycoddled her love organ like him before, but she still had feelings for Jack. He showed up and started making jokes about this turning into a three-way. Since Jenn and Daniel don’t know how to take a joke, they decided to take him up on this. Because it was Jenn, it was the lame kind of threesome, which made Dr. Cowabunga look remarkably disappointed. Even more disappointed was Abby, who thought that her mom had really turned into a sad sack of moldy kittens for going along with what seemed like a “Three’s Company” crossover onto “The Twilight Zone.” Making things even worse for Little Miss Emo, she couldn’t help but notice Chad and Mel literally chasing each other around as they yammered about who had the skankiest Halloween costume. Meanwhile, Jack tried to win Jenn over by taking her out to decorate cookies for sick children. Apparently there weren’t any puppies he could save from a burning orphanage to impress her.

Maggie learned that she had a child floating around in the world somewhere. Victor seemed remarkably unsurprised by the whole thing. He even called one of his goons to make sure that his part in the joint that nabbed the redhead’s eggs would be kept strictly hush-hush. While he was working to prevent the story from taking off, Bope continued to grope their way toward the truth thanks to their usual abuse of their positions of power.

The Salem PD continued to plod through one conflict of interest after another. Rafe was abusing his position to funnel information away from the Feds and over to Carrie. Austin wasn’t happy to see that Sami’s husband and his wife had become chummy. Roman got wind of Rafe bending the law. Strangely enough, he decided that he had to punish him for it. Leaking evidence is the kind of thing that can get you fired from the Salem PD, unlike destroying evidence, threatening witnesses, holding people hostage or leaving the perps you arrest to be killed. Rafe was annoyed. He blamed Austin and tried punching him but it only made the accountant’s hair get bigger. Sami pouted, lashed out and pouted before apologizing. Then Rafe apologized so she apologized some more. Austin crashed the pity party to say he had to take Sami up on her ‘genius idea’ that he move into her loft with her husband, four children, one bathroom and two bedrooms. He could have gone to the Cheatin’ Heart but they charge by the hour for their backroom and he couldn’t afford a dump like that.

After Abe and Lexi dropped by the penthouse for room service pie and brick through the window, John and Marlena were informed that Carrie had a lead thanks to Rafe. The good news was so overwhelming that it was like John had been injected with a boatload of Viagra. Even his nose seemed to get longer as he nuzzled Marlena. She gasped, cooed and clucked like a beach full of horny turtles. After stuffing cream in his mouth, he offered to return the favor. She stripped off his shirt, his girdle, his belt, his codpiece and something I didn’t even recognize. He kept his knee socks on and she wrapped herself up in a quilt because everyone knows that’s the most common form of birth control in Salem.

Lines of the week:

Sami: I think this is a genius idea.

John: I’m disturbed.

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Fun fact! Matthew Purvis wrote this story just for you on October 21st, 2011 |

  One response so far...

  1. From AliciaE

    This was SO funny! I laughed my backside off. And it was also funny cause it’s true. I don’t know why they want to keep subjecting us to John and Marlena love-fests. I still haven’t recovered from the conference room incident of ’93! lol

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