Matt’s Musings On Days Of Our Lives For The Week Of April 9-13.

HoJo discovered a coded coin in the mysterious Keebler egg of gaudiness at the B&B in Alamainia. Realizing that Stefano wanted it for the code, they tried to crack it but had no luck so replaced it with a fake and ran off to the airport. Stefano soon discovered their ruse. Although he was furious that it didn’t contain the customary action figure, the fact that there was no secret code is what really burned his grits. He gritted his teeth and uttered threats. His goons weren’t fast enough though and Agent Spencer managed to smuggle HoJo out of town. John got back just in the nick of time. Marlena had become so lost without him she couldn’t tell the difference between speaking to him in person and leaving a message on his answering machine. She wasn’t happy that he was working in Intelligence again. The doctor reminded him that Intelligence had never done either of them any good. Meanwhile, Hope jumped onto Babs until his hands started twitching.

The Alamainia caper hasn’t done wonders for Stefano’s marriage either. Kate was left all on her lonesome to get emo. Gentleman that he is, Ian offered Kate his shoulder to cry on before she laid her head on his lap. After he made her cry out a blue streak in his bed, she immediately began having second thoughts. Or at least one: she made a terrible mistake. She was sure that Stefano would be out for blood and ran off. He came back the next day in his riding clothes. Kate, apparently, hadn’t spent her night having the same fantasies he had. Decked out in enough brown velvet for a village of Muppets, she cried and told him to run away. It was too late though. Stefano had set things in motion to catch her in a honey trap. She failed his test, but what should he have expected? Someone with a sweet tooth should never marry a diabetic.

Romance wasn’t all bad in Salem. Chad did the ultimate in romantic gestures: asked his friend to pimp out his room for his xxx throwdown with Premiere Party Girl. Gabi found this gag inducing but, being a Hernandez and, therefore, a glutton for punishment, she went ahead and did it anyway. Maybe she should have tried telling Chadsworth fibs about how Mel treated Dario? Instead, she ran off to tear up pictures while Chad took Mel on the magical tour of his private hair gel manufacturing plant. After she gave it the safety inspection, he gave her a pink robe she could wrap around him. If that wasn’t enough of a lewd joke, she plopped out some Chinese take-out and asked him if he wished to open up her box.

Billie snuck around Casa DiMera looking for dirt. It turned out that she wasn’t as sleek and smooth as her bosses at Depends would have you believe. EJ caught her clunking around and was soon shoving his hands through the mess she left behind. Elvis was chilled to the bone to discover that his father had stolen the money that he’d stolen from his Uncle John. Nicole showed up to make things worse. After sending him mixed signals by wearing a scarf in his presence, she accidentally spurted out that Stefano had also attempted to steal the election… and gave it to Abe (which begs the question of whether or not that’s how perpetually incompetent son-in-law Abe got elected last time). EJ was totally baffled about how anyone could do that to their own flesh and blood, which should be enough to remind everyone that he hasn’t been a DiMera for long. After telling her about the trauma of being SORAS’d, he begged her to come back to him. She ran away instead. Perhaps when he tried to kiss her, she could still smell Sami’s breath in his mouth. The previous evening, EJ had yanked Samanther in for a tonsil exam just to prove that he finds her repulsive. It’s sort of the adult version of when little boys hit the girls they like and say they’re gross. Sami wanted to talk to him about his Pete the Plumber routine. He’d dropped by her pad the previous evening and offered to fix her drains. She let him use Rafe’s big wrench but all he’d ended up doing was getting the drain to squirt all over him. Sami later did her best to repress this memory by stuffing her face with smores while Lucas threw a phony camping trip for the kids.

Lines of the week:

Rafe: What am I, Sami?

Hope: So much for the friendly skies.

John: Better than a toaster.

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