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Matt’s Musings On Days Of Our Lives For The Week Of May 7-11.


This week in Salem.

Ciara and Caroline were out of town with Tommy Bear for the annual teddy bear picnic. That takes place far enough outside of town that they didn’t notice the little mushroom cloud that popped up outside of Salem. The explosion came just as Rafe confessed everything to Carrie and she admitted that she was still utterly smitten with his smirking face. With any chance at disarming the bomb gone, they started rolling up the carpets to soften the blast. Conveniently, this revealed a bomb shelter right underneath the safe house floor. Could that have been why it was chosen as a safe house in the first place? Who knows? The ISA certainly seemed pretty clueless. Luckily for the safe housers, the Salem Fire Department is about as competent as the police because they couldn’t find the massive concrete structure hidden a foot under the ground even when they were standing on. That gave them the perfect opportunity to fake their deaths and get one over on Stefano.

Everyone seemed shocked that Stefano would actually kill someone. It was as though this had never been in the cards in the previous decades. In Salem, people are usually only killed by stairs. For a person to actually do it boggles the mind. Even more mind-boggling was how disappointed everyone seemed that Stefano was tired of playing this endless, pointless game. It was like he’d kicked their tiddlywinks into the sewer. Grief spread over the citizens of the town. The pub closed, causing a chowder drought. Addicts camped out in the alleys shivering as they hallucinated bowls floating through the air. The Salem PD had to put up barricades by the harbor to stop the desperate from leaping in to search for clams. The miserable family members sleepwalked through the streets and over to the pub. Billie had to drag Austin out of his room. He was so distraught, all he could do was sit around in his underwear on the pile of paper hearts he’d cut out for Carrie. What crushed him the most was the fact that he’d never be able to give his wife the heartfelt scrapbook he’d had his sister make for her.

Over at the pub, the wake commenced as the bar was covered with publicity head shots for their fans. Victor and Maggie came out of hibernation so he could vow vengeance for the death of Babs. Chad peeled Mel off his lap so his emo hair could pay its respects. Will didn’t know what to do so he overturned a table. Sami kept worrying about whether or not her grief was actually believable. Apparently CW doesn’t make a mascara for that. Lu paced, trying to stop her from starting fights. That only lasted so long. Finally, after the driest Irish wake in history, the family was loaded into a beer truck and driven to parts unknown. They soon found themselves confronted with all of the people they’d thought were dead. They were relieved in the way that you are when you discover you didn’t accidentally shrink a shirt in the dryer. After all, it’s not like they hadn’t gone through grieving for all of these people before. This time, they didn’t go to an exotic island, just a crummy B&B. That’s the economy. Sami was furious that they’d been put through the malarkey. She then got furious with Will for shooting EJ and then going to work for him. After all, she only shot him and then had sex with him and went to work for his father. She demanded he quit his job. Will refused, saying that he loved being with Elvis, even if he kept catching him half-dressed with his mother.

Meanwhile, Elvis was furious that Stefano would actually order people killed, unlike all those other times he’d ordered John killed or his organs stolen, or tried to kill Philip and so on and so forth. Stefano didn’t seem sure about how to handle all of this. He was furious and went into his back room to mope. And continuing with the fury, Carrie and Rafe furiously wanted to get into each other’s pants but managed to control themselves because thoughts of Austin were making her queasy.

Lines of the week:

John: I still say we should bring back hanging traitors in a public square.

Will: Are you kidding me? First Dad and then EJ? Oh my God who is next?

Will: She can’t help being the slut that she is.

Will: I see you put away your pitchfork and the fire pit.

Austin: I was going to give her the scrapbook!

Maggie: Victor, please, no bloodshed today.
Victor: Fine, I’ll do it tomorrow.

Stefano: Classic Brady reaction.

EJ: To be loved by you seems to be a death sentence.

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Fun fact! Matthew Purvis wrote this story just for you on May 11th, 2012 |

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