Matt’s Musings On Days Of Our Lives For The Week Of May 13-17.
The week started with a bang, or at least a thud, as Rafe’s tender cranium was dealt a brutal blow. He was then kicked until he was squirting ketchup. Hope was called to the scene to investigate. Roman apparently had a heads up and left town to avoid doing actual police work. Abe was called away from being endlessly reminded that his wife was dead so that he could have a different body to contemplate. He didn’t bother sticking around. Hernandez was wheeled over to Salem’s most expensive butcher shop. The accusations about who would have made marmalade of his mind were soon flowing fast. It was enough to put a pregnant woman off her anchovy and green tea muffins. In fact, that’s exactly what happened as Gabbah heard the news of the Rafe rollicking and rushed to her brother’s bedside. He had always been so good to her, she sobbed. What would have happened to her if he hadn’t forced her to do her calculus homework instead of watching “Passions?” She never could have married an ex-con and ladled clam goo in a back alley pub.
Everyone was sad about Rafe… Well, not EJ. He looked so thrilled it was like he was getting back all of the Christmases he’d missed when they SORASed him. His smirking was sticking in some craws. Hope was quick to blame him and everyone lined up to ask if he did it. This seemed to turn Elvis on. He and Brady stared at each other like they wanted to knock mops. Even he and Nick were generating as much chemistry as a baking soda volcano. Although Elvis was smug, the spilling of Rafe’s brains was acting like some kind of toxic infestation that was poisoning everything. Brady had a tantrum. Kristen had a tantrum and flashbacks swirled around her head like twittering birds. They were unsure if they could go on. Meanwhile, Marlena was actually sure she couldn’t go on and asked John for a divorce. He told her to go ahead and make his day and then he ate a croissant. Once again, she asked him to ask her for a divorce. He asked her for a divorce. She was shocked. Usually when she asks him to give her something he just rolls over. This time she asked him to roll over and he gave her what she asked for. Doc slapped him so hard that his steely eyes started to vibrate.
The Rafe investigation continued. Hope questioned Kate. Lady Roberts spent most of her interview complaining about how everyone thought Rafe was scraping the bottom of the chum bucket with her. After Kate cried about them being happy as clams once upon a time, a disgusted Sami was brought in. She found the fact of Rafe and Kate’s coital coupling so hideous that she wore the ugliest clothes she could find to express the profundity of her disgust. Hope couldn’t bear to look. Since speaking to Sami is inevitably a dead end, she started rubbing her head in a vain attempt to see if any of Babs’ clairvoyance had somehow rubbed off on her. It hadn’t. She didn’t even have eyes in the back of her head. If she had, she would have noticed the prison release letter that’s been sitting a foot away from her for the whole investigation. The prisoner to be released was Jensen. Judging by the fact that he could ‘recognize’ Nick from behind, we can assume that they had an unfortunate run-in while they were in prison. The Rafe beating, muffin stealing man abruptly swanned in to abduct Nick and Gabi.
On a lighter note, the bacterial barrier between Salemites continued to shrink this week. Double J tried to settle into Horton house but it was remarkably uncomfortable. Not only was there a giant train set stretched across his room, but it had clearly been used in some of Dannifer’s sexcapades. As revenge, he borrowed Scooby’s MP3 player and then let a truck run over it. Maybe he should have been turning to Uncle Lucas for advice about how to deal with your mother sleeping with inappropriate men. Lucas was informed by Sami that her ex-husband had been sleeping with her ex-mother-in-law. Meanwhile, Chadsworth continued looking to get some wherever he could find it. He asked the virgin Abs if they had another shot. She ran off to meet her ex-stripper boyfriend. Little Lord DiMera will have to go on with nothing but his old Misty Circle collection to keep him cozy at night. Maybe he should join the Salem club for cracked heads? They always seem to be getting some.
Lines of the week:
Lucas: Did you do a Google search for ‘most inappropriate partner’?
Stefano: (to Sami) I understand what happens when you marry a man.
Sami: (to Kate) I can’t imagine anyone being stupid enough to get in bed with you!
For more on this week is Salem, be sure to read Deconstructing “DOOL” on Soaps.com.
Photo Credit: NBC
Fun fact! Matthew Purvis wrote this story just for you on May 17th, 2013 |