This week in Salem.

Ciara and Caroline were out of town with Tommy Bear for the annual teddy bear picnic. That takes place far enough outside of town that they didn’t notice the little mushroom cloud that popped up outside of Salem. The explosion came just as Rafe confessed everything to Carrie and she admitted that she was still utterly smitten with his smirking face. With any chance at disarming the bomb gone, they started rolling up the carpets to soften the blast. Conveniently, this revealed a bomb shelter right underneath the safe house floor. Could that have been why it was chosen as a safe house in the first place? Who knows? The ISA certainly seemed pretty clueless. Luckily for the safe housers, the Salem Fire Department is about as competent as the police because they couldn’t find the massive concrete structure hidden a foot under the ground even when they were standing on. That gave them the perfect opportunity to fake their deaths and get one over on Stefano. Read the rest of this entry »

HoJo discovered a coded coin in the mysterious Keebler egg of gaudiness at the B&B in Alamainia. Realizing that Stefano wanted it for the code, they tried to crack it but had no luck so replaced it with a fake and ran off to the airport. Stefano soon discovered their ruse. Although he was furious that it didn’t contain the customary action figure, the fact that there was no secret code is what really burned his grits. He gritted his teeth and uttered threats. His goons weren’t fast enough though and Agent Spencer managed to smuggle HoJo out of town. John got back just in the nick of time. Marlena had become so lost without him she couldn’t tell the difference between speaking to him in person and leaving a message on his answering machine. She wasn’t happy that he was working in Intelligence again. The doctor reminded him that Intelligence had never done either of them any good. Meanwhile, Hope jumped onto Babs until his hands started twitching. Read the rest of this entry »

“What’s in the bag?”

Jenn and Jack catch up, Will and Marlena hang out, Nicole gets an unwelcome visitor and things don’t look good for Bo.

“I have big plans for you.”

Madison is cagey about the details of Abby’s job, Marlena has a new therapy idea for Jack and Brady argues with his dad.

Since seeking pill therapy didn’t work out so well for Hope last time, she and Babs went in for talk therapy this time. Babs broke down and let out all of the emotions he’d been bottling up for five years like he was a dinghy with a leak. In a couple of seconds, he was empty again. Marlena ended the hour right on the dot, thankful that her Botox had made it impossible for her to register anything remotely approximating an unprofessional emotion. Meanwhile, John, Salem’s unwilling organ donor, was bankrupting himself to pay back the people his nephew ripped off. Brady offered to go into business with him. Madison didn’t like it. A few minutes later she did. Across town, Stefano complained about Harold’s dress sense. John squinted. Marlena was horny. Rafe and Carrie were hired to find a cat but it beat him up so he went home to cook dinner and make out with Sami who was acting happy as a clam at high tide. Will nearly puked at the sight of the spectacle and went back to his grandma for more therapy. Read the rest of this entry »

Next week in Salem…

EJ and Sami are so distraught that their son might be dead that they lose control of themselves.

Matt’s Musings.

The life lessons continued in the town of Salem this week. Rafe learned that corruption only works when you’re a Brady and that Sami is far more tolerable after you’ve had a few beers. Austin discovered that if you tell a woman you are extremely excited, then drop your towel and it falls straight to the floor without hitting any interference, she’ll immediately leave the country. John discovered that Marlena’s shoulder pads have magically transformed her shoulders into her body’s largest erogenous zone. And Will learned that the best way to deny something is to speak like you’re a robot. Read the rest of this entry »

Thoughts on Days.

It was all about the fine line between romance and skankiness in Salem this week. Daniel were making Jenn sweat in her sweat pants. Before he could start chewing off the ice cream encrusted on her tank top, Abby walked in. Daniel’s hair popped into instaperm and he rushed away to the hospital. He and Mel engaged in their daily smirking session. She hiccuped laughs until Maxine tipped them off that Carly was ill. The intrepid doctor rushed to her side. Carly still lives in a hotel room. He checked her out and guessed she didn’t get her shots. He’s only a surgeon after all, he can’t be expected to know the difference between drug withdrawal and a stomach bug. Then again, it was unclear whether Carly’s exploding insides were caused by drugs or the spectacle of Dannifer’s face sucking shenanigans. When she returned to work and he was talking about Jenn, she could barely control the desire to sink into a narcotic stupor. After filling her purse with meds, she poured them out on her desk like they were pixie sticks and then snorted them through a straw. Read the rest of this entry »

Thoughts on Days.

Chloe had another date with Salem’s newest pornographer, Quinn. Appropriately enough, they met in a sea food joint called the Creamy Clam n’ Mussel Cafetorium that looked like it hadn’t been re-decorated since the 70s. He wandered off and ran into Mama Vivian in the park. Meanwhile, Jenn and Daniel had another date. Instead of climbing a hill, she dressed up like she was throwing the prom in her living room. He ran away the first chance he got because that seemed a little too mature for both of them. After she slipped into her sweat pants and jumped into a bucket of ice cream, he returned to lick her clean. Unfortunately, their ice cream social was interrupted by Abby, who didn’t seem nearly as traumatized by this scene as the audience at home. Read the rest of this entry »

Thoughts on Days.

In Salem this week, Rafe and Sami decided on a life in wedlock to avoid one locked behind bars. She said ‘no’ to his less-than-romantic proposal at first and then cried and then laughed and said ‘yes’ and cried some more. Apparently Alison Sweeney’s scripts don’t feature periods, just emoticons of weeping faces. The not-so-happy couple woke up the children and told them that they were dragging them out to the woods for a midnight wedding. Johnny and Allie were confused enough to be excited but Will was worried and realized his mom was up to something. All the same, they all filed out to the Salem woods, though there were no leaping mutated fish to scare Sami this time. Rafe had the place decked out with fairy lights and, apparently, had a clergyman who couldn’t even make it in Vegas brought in just for the occasion. Caroline busted out the collection of ropes she’s been keeping handy since Samantha Jean was a troubled teen and the bride and groom tied themselves to the children. This symbolic act was soon to be undone however. Across town, Nicole was busy trying to talk herself into EJ’s good graces. She may have given him the proof that Sami literally made him lose part of his mind, but he still wasn’t forgiving her for what she did to taint his love for elevator sex. They got marginally more sentimental, but the tender moment was shattered when his spies tipped him off about the wedding. He had a fit and dragged Nicole with him to tear the children from Sami’s arms. Samanther was forced to say goodbye. Even Nicole was grossed out by how cruel the whole thing was but she went along with it and went back to Casa DiMera with Syd and EJ. He told her not to get her hopes up, but things were clearly looking up for them. Read the rest of this entry »